Shake that thang

If any one knows a ska or funk band looking for a saxophonist, or can think of ingenius ways through which I might seek out said band/interested persons then please let me know.

Ode to Hummus

Hummus my dearest, I love thee
You're the greatest thing to be made from chick pea
All the other dips could never compare
When I eat you, I'm walking on air.

I love you with carrots, crisps and especially flat bread,
I guess it's obvious that you're my favourite spread.
The perfect partner with Turkish coffee,
Hummus my dearest, I love thee.



I always wondered why they never asked me to do advanced English courses.

Ne-ver forget where you're coming from....

Ok, so whilst I can admit I have some quirks (occaisional nighttime hallucinations, a penchant for playing cheesy music on my guitar, possible narcolepsy), rathern than list 5, I want to share with you an annoying quirk that has afflicted me for years.

This affliction raised it's ugly head most recently on Tuesday afternoon after I had helped a friend with her research psychology disertation (apparently I'm pretty good at multi-tasking) and I had walked halfway home before I realised I'd left my newly purchased football boots in the lab and completely forgotten them. The cold walk back to campus gave me enough time to ponder my ability to completely forget things in aspurt of total absent mindedness and amnesia, and to consider the full extent of things that have gone missing/I have managed to forget about.

So in no particular order, here's my top 5....

1. Car Keys (replacement cost £50). Eighteen months ago I somehow managed to lose my car keys. No biggie I thought, I have a spare set and the old ones will turn up at somepoint. Unfrtunately it turned out that the spare set didn't lock the boot (which was already unlocked) and as I was doing a lot fo diving at the time, could prove a little tempting to a thief. So, I looked EVERYWHERE for them and they were not to be found. So i arranged for a garage to fit a new lock (£50) and get new keys. However, the afternoon before the service, I was sorting out some clothes that had been washed, and what popped out the pocket of a pair of shorts, but my keys! And yes, I had already looked in them!

2. Car Stereo (value £150). Somehow after a football match, I lost the facia for my car stereo. For 3 weeks I looked high and low, visited the bars I'd been to and couldn't find it anywhere. After being resigned to losing it, it miraculously turned up under the drivers seat. Which was nice.

3. Passport (replacement value £65ish). Leaving a flight one winter, I was strolling to the exit, looking forward to the vast expanses of airport corridors to strech my legs, when I got a tap on the shoulder from the guy who'd been sitting next to me. He was holding my passport. And I had no idea I'd lost it.

4. Leather Jacket with wallet (Combined total £150ish). When I was 15, my uncle got married in Vienna. Whilst waiting for our bags, I visited the toilets and hung my jacket (only containing a wallet - my dad looked after my passport on this trip) up on the door of the cubicle. I did what I had to do, left, and got on with the day. A few hours later my uncle turned up at our hotel to say hello and turned up clutching my jacket, before I had even realised it was missing (yes, I am THIS absent minded). He'd been at the airport picking someone else up and had heard my name accross the tannoy, and picked up the jacket. It turned out some decent fellow had handed in my jacket, restrained from half-inching the wallet, from which they got my name and by some amazing coincidence my uncle was in the airport when they broadcast my name.

5. Phone (twice) This post is far too long already, so I'll spare you the details, but I've lost two phones, once at a gig (Electric Six if you're wondering) and once in a muddy puddle at a retreat centre. Somehow the muddy puddle one was found and returned to me a few days later.

If the list were to be extended, I could add a jumper left on a football pictch, a jacket left on a train, micromachines left on a beach (I was VERY upset) and if I could be bothered to think harder many more. I admit I'm one of the worst people in the world at looking for things, but my absent mindedness is a serious affliction. It has even caused me to miss a university exam, which for some reason I thought was in the afternoon but was actually in the morning (if you ever want to physically feel adrenaline injected into your body, try doing this). And I'm not sure what I can do about it!

Anyway, well done on reading this far. You have been priavelged enough to join with the rest of the internet world in finding out an intimate part of my personality.


And as a treat, check out this video, it's beautiful

And to fulfill my promise to the Brittster, also check out the Evangelistic Linebacker, which is hilarious!

I saw her praying, while I was DJing

Frankly, I'm disappointed. I expend hours of energy writing a detailed report on the beauty of sea cucumbers for your benefit, hundreds of you read it (I know because I have spies) and then 3 people reply (one of whom talked about something else). That's gratitude.

Anyway, now I've stopped being a miserable git, I'll talk about something else. It turns out I've been tagged, which is apparently some bizarre online version of kiss-chase or tag (suprisingly enough). I'm supposed to reveal 5 quirks about myself and then tag 5 more people. But I'm not going to do that. Well not unless one day I get completely stuck for something to blog about and fancy ripping open my heart and laying it on the table for you all. I also don't necessarily think I'm quirky. I'm just me. :)

So, continuing my theme of resurrecting old material because I'm too lazy to think of new stuff in the hope that some of you reading may not have seen it before....I present the return of DC Southpaw. Yes indeedy, Baby didn't just get back, Baby got Book.

Altogether now.... "I like big bibles and I cannot lie, you Christian brothers can't deny....."

I know you're dancing...!

Pearl harbourer

Now that the furore regarding my hair has died down, I feel it appropriate to answer some FAQs and let the matter go to bed (something I need to get better at myself). Anyway, yes it does make me look 5 years younger, yes I have had my first shave in over 3 months making me look an extra 3 years younger and yes, I'm going to let it grow back because I don't like getting ID'd (not that it has happened since the cut, but it's only a matter of time - the last incident was around the time of my most recent shave back in August).

With a lack of anything else amusing to write about, I feel there is a need to educate you, my dear readers in some of the ways of the sea. Now I realise I may have blogged about this in eons past, so if this isn't new, skip the rest and abuse me in the comments section, but I believe this information of enough importance to share with newer readers.

So here begins the science lesson about the mighty echinoderm, the sea cucumber! Contrary to popular belief, these creatures are much more than a sub aqua version their distinctly sessile terrestial namesakes. In fact they have nothign in common at all, apart from vaguely looking like each other (apparently). By enlarge these beautiful animals are pretty boring - the graze the sand, sucking it up, gleaning the nutrients (derived from tasty decaying matter) and pooping the sand back out. However, they are only boring until you discover the amazing fact about them.....

First of all, they breath through their anus. That is, they don't have gills because they aren't fish, but the pump in water through their bum and do the gas exchange around there. However, the story doesn't end there - a brilliant little oppertunist known as the Pearl fish has decided to grasp the oppertunity and take up residence in the sea cucumber's rectum. So the fish wait until the fish breathes (I don't want to be too graphic here), avoids the protective anal teeth (I'm not making this up!) and then darts inside. Opinion is divided as to whether it's a parasitic or symbiotic relationship, but if you ask me when there's a fish sitting inside you nibbling on your gonads (another endearing trait of the pearl fish), I'm not too sure you're going to be too pleased about it. Especially when the fish gets bored and rather than exciting through the entry route, decides to eat it's way out through your gut. My vote is firmly with the parasitic.

(The pearl fish exits and enters our poor holothurian friend Mr. Sea Cucumber)

Anyway, apparently a third of all sea cucumbers have got one of these little blighters in them. And now approximately a third of you will be able to amaze your friends with your fascinating scientific knowledge!

(Credit to John Arundell for the post title (that's how to avoid plagiarism KC Clarke!))

Feel the magic, hear the roar....

So the fabled pictures appear. Of me looking really stupid. But you asked for them. So I say give the public what they want. Someone said yesterday that it made me look like Brian Laudrup. They may have a point. Anyway, send whatever comments/abuse you want my way. It'll grow back.

And if you've forgotten how I used to look, check the post below

Anybody who has my phone number, please remind me to call the council tomorrow...I keep forgetting.

Do the Pussycat Dolls actually need more than one member?

"I love technology, but not as much as you you see..."

Friday night saw match 4 of the Edinburgh Poker League season. Now normally, this wouldn't be worth too much of a mention, but this particular evening saw the return of the illustrious Tom 'Thor' Schmidt, my old flat mate. Nothing special about that, you might be saying, merely the return of an old friend, right? Wrong! Tom was infact joining the table all the way from LAS VEGAS!! That's right, through the miracle of the world wide web, microphones and webcams, Tom was able to take his place and not only match the 20 participants, but come streaking from behind to actually win the whole thing! This was an impressive feat worthy of a poker master from the casino town, and all credit should go to him (even if he did take me out).

The picture is of him beating down our local hero Dave Redfern (who also had a mighty late streak to take second place)



Other fun things this weekend included a trip to Murrayfield to watch Scotland play Argentina (Scotland lost 23-19 virtue of a pretty dodgy ref), courtesy of a free ticket. The seat was
awesome - 3 rows back on the 10m line (well at least I could see everything going on on my side of the pitch!), so I didn't feel to bad about going on my own. But it's a wierd feeling to be watching international rugby with all the trappings of huge pyrotechnics and fireworks and pipe bands in a 65,000 seat stadium , when there are only 20,000 people there. It just felt empty. But I guess it'll be full when we get mauled by the All Blacks in a couple of weeks.














One more thing - tomorrow is the day I finally get my hair cut. Barring a bit of a trim in August, it's been growing from this in November 04:



To this:




















Who knows what it will turn out like? Mullet or Mohican? The anticipation is almost tangible.....

And the sky, it blazes like FIRE!

So this evening it was discovered that our flat can be broken into without smashing any windows. I know this because I managed it. With me having forgotten my keys, my flatmate at location unknown and with phone switched off, I was looking pretty stuck. However, some quick calculations regarding muscle circumference and the width of the letterbox later, my arm was stuffed through the aforementioned hole and eventually twiddled the right knob until the lock was freed (leaving me with only minor welts on my arm).

Depending on how you look at it, this is either useful or scary. It means that whenever I forget my keys again (unfortunately not uncommon due to my seive brain), I know I can get in. I only have to somehow negotiate my way into the stairwell by persuading the grannies in the other flats that I'm not some repo man ready to cart them off to the nursing home.

However, there's also the scary idea that theoretically, any burgular with skinny enough arms could get in. Oh well, we've got a neighbourhood watch scheme. Nothing could get past that.

In other news, I got back from Aberdeen this afternoon having done some evangelism training with a CU up there. Now I'm sure this isn't entierly unique, but their entire comittee is female, as far as I can make out, there are only 5 guys there (making up a whole 15%) of the meeting. how on earth are those ladies gonna find husbands?

What's the international hand signal for "I need the toilet"?

The weekend was awesome. Although unfortunately none of the fabled killer octopus were spotted, lots of fun was had, with my buddy and I being the only folk in the club to have found the much sought after jeep, and with a broken compass as well! A flounder as big as a man's chest was also discovered and we found the only shoal of fish in the world on the Atkins diet - at least the crab liked our bread (and was more impressed than the other divers who complained of having no bread to make lunch with).

Possibly the funniest thing all weekend however, was watching the divers from Dundee uni, wander around making all sorts of elementary mistakes, worthy of much ridicule. Every single one of them would wear their masks on their foreheads (cardinal sin), with the pinnacle being a guy wandering forwards down the slipway whilst already wearing his fins (super high risk of serious injury), and of course his mask on his forehead. If only I had my camera on me.

Also worthy of note was the couple having a romantic meal of steak and chips in the hotel/restaurant/pub we frequented. Approximately 5 minutes after 24 smelly divers sat down on the tables around them, they upped and left, each leaving at least half their hunk of meat. What a waste.

And now, feast your eyes on the beauty that is Loch Fyne...



I wonder how long it will be before Blogspot stop me using all their storage space with huge photos

Heroes in a half shell

Lat night I saw the most incredible thing on TV - a turtle (unfortunately the program was so dumbed down it didn't even bother to tell us which species its was), taking chunks out of a tiger shark! Just stop and think about this for a second.... Big, sleek, killing machine, the tiger shark tries to take on the humble turtle which has an average swim speed slower than a very slow thing. A certain victory for the thing with teeth (thte turtle merely has a beak and just eats algae and jellyfish), you might say, but no! The normally docile female reptile lashes out and rips out huge lumps of flesh, leaving the tiger shark to whimper away. Bob's Animal Fights would be proud.

Look, it wouldn't hurt a fly.
But maybe to the shark it looked a little more like this:




And now I'm heading off into the rainy sunset for a weekend on the soaked west coast of Scotland for a couple of days diving. Expect reports early next week of heroic fights with giant octopus and titanic battles between me and a fiesty trigger fish.

I can show you the world...(it shimmers and shines)

This lunchtime i walked up Blackford Hill, near my flat, to get away from it all and spend some concentrated time praying. The view over the city looked like this.


Man, I live in a beautiful place.

So this weekend saw the Edinburgh CU houseparty in the middle of nowhere somewhere around the England/Scotland border. This must have been the 4th or 5th time I've been to Whitthaugh Park, and every single time it has rained. Lots. As you might have guessed, this time was no different and the bits of green stuff masquarading as grass turned into their now familiar ice-rink alter-egos. With quite hilarious results.

Other less hilarious incidents included me somehow getting to the final of the dancing competition and pulling certain muscles that are particularly useful for dancing in a potentially title winning knee slide across the floor. Unfortunately the resultant muscle twinge and skinned knees rendered me helpless as I lay on the floor whilst my valient opponent pulled out a particularly smooth Moonwalk and promptly coasted to victory. Quite embarrasing in front of 120 people.

I would also like to register my new found love for Tomato Juice. This glorious liquid is highly underatted and has lived in the shadow of its more glamours counterparts, Orange, Cranberry and Apple juices far too long. So all of you, get out the Lea and Perrins and see what you're missing out on!!

Oh and thanks to Sparticus for this link. I've long known about it, but had forgotten the address. So all of you go and visit The JCB Song (A JCB is a big digger, for those Americans who are reading) and share in the joy.

Roll on today's pretty pictures...